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has anybody had any success getting the steering wheel radio controls to work with an aftermarket deck?

They make adapters for them. Any competent stereo installation shop should be able to do it...unfortunately though, they'll probably want to do the whole stereo install for you so they can make some money, but yes...it can be done.

i believe you need a radio that has remote control capabilities as well. but then yes you buy a kit.

Its not hard at all, I did it in mine. Check this site but buy it from ebay
http://www.pac-audio.com/products.aspx