I haven't fully understood why this is happening yet. I installed another known good, used coil pack from a reputable used auto part warehouse. Problem solved. At least for now. For what it's worth, this replacement has black grounding sleeves as opposed to the "regular" shiny metal sleeves.
I now have 2 coil packs that I can use as guinea pigs for testing. Looking at the connectors on the coil pack, there are 7 pins. IDK what each one's use is for, but I will find out. For now though, I have some epoxy to remove to get to those circuit boards.